420 ftw
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
