I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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