i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
