I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
be right there i have to get my cape
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
