Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
