i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We have started to decorate penises.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
