I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
