Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
