He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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