Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
