Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
