Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
