That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
