my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
