I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
