I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
