the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
