I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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