so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
