I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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