Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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