Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
