My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
