Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Randomize
