Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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