Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
