okay pat passed out under dana's car
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We had to coat check the pizza.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
