You work out of a Hotel?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
