Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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