If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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