Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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