Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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