Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
