IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
