I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
