I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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