I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
