pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
