I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
