I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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