went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
