i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Mom said you looked used
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
