Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
