he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
