1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
