How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
