walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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