If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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