I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
