Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
