theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
